Author: cdelacuadra

Always a reader. Sometimes a traveler. Usually an archivist. Often a writer. Frequently a musician. Constantly a student of life.

Time’s up

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So, so important: The Galvanizing Shock of the Bill Cosby Verdict

“For all the fears that the #MeToo moment will be marked by overreach, the fact remains that a single instance of justice feels more surprising than several decades of serial rape.”

If you haven’t read this article by Jia Tolentino yet, I highly recommend doing so.  I, too, was surprised by the Cosby verdict last week — and with that surprise came the renewed realization that we still have much more work to do towards gender equality.   A man’s job should not be worth more than dozens of women’s safety.  A single moment of justice should not be more surprising than rape.  The thing men fear about being in prison should not the the thing women fear walking down the street every day.  Enough is enough.  If nothing else, this guilty verdict signals that our culture is changing for the better, even just in the past year.  Time’s up.

Stories that stick with you

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Arimah_coverSomewhere on your reading list, make room for Lesley Nneka Arimah’s dazzling and thoughtful debut collection of short stories: What It Means When a Man Falls From the Sky.  These stories stayed with me for quite some time, getting up under my skin and lingering there, mildly disturbing, mildly haunting, and entirely memorable.  Arimah examines humanity and relationships in striking snippets, slices of lives extracted and told with precision by way of magical realism, flavors of dystopia, Nigerian cultural milieu, and creative mythology by turns.  Each has its own carefully crafted sense of place, and the aches and cares of each character all but pop off the page.

“Windfalls” stuck with me, the narrator’s flat acceptance of her life starkly contrasting with the shocking intentional injuries she suffers at the hands of her manipulative mother for payouts.  “Who Will Greet You at Home” likewise left an indelible impression on me, lingering long after I finished the book.  It is the story of a young woman who creates infants out of yarn, of paper, of human hair, hoping that Mama will bless them so she will have a child of her own, and she trades measures of her empathy and then even her joy in payment.  It begs the question, much are we willing to give to get what we want?  What society says we should want?  And how high is too high a cost?  What if the price becomes our humanity?

Arimah draws you in over and over, each story engaging in its own way. She is particularly good at teasing out the unique trials of being a girl in a world intent on extinguishing those who shine a little too brightly.  Grab this book, savor each story, and ponder the imprints they leave on you.

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Small tweaks

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Bailey has self-care down pat. Naps every day with zero guilt.

With Earth Day freshly come and gone, I took the plunge and made a tweak to our routine that feels really good.  I ordered a big pack of microfiber cloths, a new lidded trashcan, and a reusable liner in a quest to wean us off of paper towels.  We are only a few days into this, but so far I am actually quite pleased!  Our new cloths are not only reusable, but are more absorbent and efficient at cleaning up messes.  Now I just need to work them into the laundry routine, and we’re set.  It has been easier than I anticipated so far, I must admit — and now our household is that much more eco-friendly.

There is something uniquely satisfying about seeing a problem and then finding just the right solution.  Maybe this might feel like a stretch to some, but I think that sense of satisfaction can be an important part of self-care.  Large milestones and big accomplishments don’t have to be the only things we celebrate.  Sometimes smaller achievements and personal satisfactions are even more important, because they keep us going and keep us smiling.

The other small thing I did for myself was entirely un-revolutionary, but equally satisfying: I gave myself the night off last night.  I have had very little downtime of late, but I’ve been proud that I’ve managed to keep getting everything done, even with extra trips to visit an ailing parent.  Well, last night I took the whole evening off instead of trying to cram the laundry into an already-busy weekend, and I am so glad I did.  I had time for a much needed nap, I got to bed on time, and I was up early enough that I added yet one more small tweak to my day: I took five minutes to read before making the bed and leaving for work.  It is amazing how much less rushed and stressful that five minutes made my morning feel.  I wasn’t mindlessly scrolling on my phone while I blended a smoothie — I was sitting down, with a book in hand.  It felt great.

So, with three small tweaks under my belt, this week’s little self-care realization is that even a small change can still be a significant one.  And that is satisfying in and of itself — to know that even five minutes in the morning, or three new items in my routine, can make a world of difference.

Balance point

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“This is the first time the girl becomes aware that the world requires something other than what she is.”

–Lesley Nneka Arimah, What It Means When a Man Falls From the Sky: Stories

 

This Friday I am thinking about expectations, and about balance.  The world might expect something different than what we are or what we want, but that doesn’t mean we are obligated to give in to that expectation.  Find your bliss, find your fulcrum, and don’t let the world upset the balance you find.

Stuck on you

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I’ve been considering wallpaper as an accent wall in our bathroom on and off for a while, but I have been hesitant since we are renters.  It seems like the options for removable wallpaper are getting ever more stylish, though, so I’m pondering it all over again.  Here are some of my favorites — I think maybe some samples swatches are in order!

starburst tile  fine point floral  peonies  new moon  woodland forest  beige tears  watercolour  bohemian scallops

 

father/time

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Daddy and me, 1982

father/time

so passes

the golden autumn

of this world

into a dark/light place

made of lengthening shadows

and warm tender moments alike.

poignant relief marks the passing

of each second and season,

pearls on a string slipping away

through fingers

roughened by time,

all the more cherished

for that which has gnarled them.

fear not,

though a shadow passes over your eyes

at the thought

of things unknown.

in the end,

you are loved.

–Charla M. DelaCuadra

 

One of the difficulties in getting older is watching your parents age.  It is bittersweet, getting to know your parents better as adults and as people, while also watching the twilight years of someone you love.  I wrote this poem with my dad in mind, who is in his eighties and is having some health issues.  While we all struggle with things like money, our houses or vacation time, or our goals both long-term and fleeting — I think in the end, we all just want to be loved.

Love your solitude

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“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

I read Rilke’s Letters years ago and felt such a resonance in my young spirit.  I’m feeling a bit off-kilter as many things are in flux at the moment — perhaps it is a good time to return to those encouraging words I found so dear.  Wishing you confidence and calm as the week comes to a close, and happy Friday!

I’m impressed

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Here and there lately I have come across items or products that I am really impressed by.  As in, the-only-version-I-want-to-use-in-the-foreseeable-future impressed.  Clouds part, the sun shines brightly, singing ensues… you get the gist.  In no particular order, here are some items that I have discovered, used, and now love.

Quip toothbrush and Livionex dental gel

Oral hygiene seems like a very un-sexy thing to be excited about, but between my Quip electric toothbrush and the amazing Livionex tooth gel Brennan raved about on Into the Gloss, my teeth have never felt cleaner each day.  And with the option for an automated refill subscription, I don’t have to worry about trying to remember how long it’s been since I last swapped out my toothbrush.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.   ̶A̶l̶s̶o̶,̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶g̶o̶l̶d̶ ̶Q̶u̶i̶p̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶.̶

Zojirushi steel mug

This mug means business.  I’d make a cup of tea at work and promptly forget about it, only to be greeted by a barely-warm cup of regret an hour later.  Not only is this insulated travel mug sleek and minimal-looking, but it keeps my tea piping hot (sometimes too hot!) all day, closes securely, and even latches so I know it won’t spill in my bag.  The lid also comes apart for easy cleaning, yet securely reassembles.  And it comes in the perfect shade of pink.

Glow Butter

After reading a couple, ahem, glowing reviews of Kimberly Howell’s Glow Butter, I decided to give it a try.  Handmade?  Pure botanicals?  All-natural beauty and luminosity?  Yes and please!  I was hopeful and dubious all at once, but months later, I am a convert.  I have noticed a real improvement to my skin’s texture and radiance, and I rarely wear foundation anymore.  My skin is not airbrushed-magazine-ad perfect, but it looks like healthy skin, and I love that.

Any products you swear by?  I’d be fascinated to hear!  It is so satisfying to find a product that just works.

 

“The mountains are calling…”

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I took a brief hiatus from the blog for a trip to Yosemite National Park last week.  It was a beautiful place, far beyond what words or pictures can adequately describe.  That is the true value of our national parks — not only do they preserve our plants and wildlife, but they provide us with spaces for awe, for wonder, and for experiencing something grander and more majestic than ourselves.

I hiked below Bridalveil Fall and then around the loop for a bit, with stunning views of El Capitan, Half Dome, and Cathedral Rocks.  I even saw a rainbow over the falls!  All in all it was a great little solo trip to relax and recharge, read and reflect, and revel in the beauty of nature for a little while.  Here are a few pictures from my travels, if you’d like to see.