Back to basics: rainy day edition

All the things I’m wearing this rainy Friday are basics in my rotation, and it felt good to be casually put together on an otherwise hectic morning. Here are my picks for an effortlessly classic look:

Jenni Kayne’s Flynn cashmere V-neck sweater is the perfect option for a chilly, rainy day. Lightweight, and luxuriously soft and cozy.

This classic trench won’t break the bank, and will keep you warm, dry, and stylish. I love that it has a hood, so I don’t have to carry an umbrella.

Straight-leg jeans will be a forever-staple, regardless of the denim trend du jour.

I’ve written about Coach’s Coachtopia line before, and I cannot sing it’s praises enough. This petite checkered Ergo is fun and graphic, and holds all my daily essentials.

Delicate with a touch of sparkle, I wear this beaded gold ring with a tiny diamond every day, either alone or as part of a stack.

Still wearing my trusty black loafers with everything. Easy and classic.

Hope you all stay warm and dry this weekend!

Otter Country

Gently beguiling, Otter Country chronicles nature writer Miriam Darlington’s year obsessively observing the wild otter.

A plan formed in my mind. I would explore the places in this land that hid my grail. I would spend a whole year or longer, if that’s what it took, wading through marshes, hiding between mossy rocks, paddling down rivers and swimming in sea lochs; recording my journey through the seasons as I searched for wild otters.

With sumptuous, lyrical prose, Darlington takes us along her winding journey from Devon, England through the waterways of Wales, Scotland, Cornwall, the Lake District, and beyond in search of otters. Marshes, fens, rivers, woodlands — all are rich fodder for searching, seeking, spying, and contemplating a species Darlington has been fascinated with since childhood. Part Walden, part eco-guide, part meditation, and part literature survey, Otter Country gives an account of otters’ habits and habitats as graceful and sinuous as the animals themselves. She deftly winds nature observation, thoughts on conservation, ruminations on the otter’s place in modern society, and sharp commentary on human encroachment into a journey both poetic and educational. Transportive, definitely worth a read.

Five fun things: (still) winter edition

Over the last few weeks, every time I think it’s time for spring, another cold, wet storm front comes in for a few days. Instead of fretting, I’m finally leaning into the aesthetic with the softest, most touchably cozy pieces to cuddle up with, springy color palette included.

This adorable Kate Spade bag is small but mighty, with just enough room for my daily necessities, and is made of the softest faux fur ever.

A creamy alpaca coat will keep you warm season after season, especially this classic knee-length option from Eileen Fisher.

These shearling mules by Jenny Kayne are just what I’m dreaming of right now. Cozy perfection.

Cashmere in the perfect dusty rose? AND on sale? Yes please! I’d wrap myself in this every chilly morning.

In the cheap thrills department, this sweet fuzzy bucket hat comes in a bunch of colors and is only $15! I’m partial to this soft lavender.

Bonus: these comfy silver Mary Janes are perfectly on trend, and will look great with cozy socks now and cropped jeans later. Win-win!

Stay warm, everyone!

good enough

This is a painful topic to visit, but I think perhaps it is time to bring it out into the open.  For as long as I can remember, I have never felt “good enough.”  Perfectionism.  Impostor syndrome.  Depression.  Anxiety.  Overachiever.  That wound by any other name still hurts.  A lot. I’ve thought wryly that I’m even an overachiever at feeling not good enough — the mantra “I am good enough,” for example, is not at all soothing or affirming for me.  In truth, it grates on me.  I don’t want to be just good enough, I want to be the best.  At everything.  To everyone.  The favorite.  The winner.  Perfect.

Introspection and a couple really excellent therapists have made me wonder if I actually want to be those things, or if I feel like I need to be them.  It is, of course, the latter.  And yet, how do I let this need go? We could start with logic, perhaps:

  • Perfection is impossible. 
  • I cannot be the best at everything. 
  • I cannot be everyone’s favorite person.

And to try to be or do any of these is not only impossible, it is exhausting.  I have set myself up to fail (which is somehow also one of my greatest fears — failure. Being a perfectionist is hard, y’all!). Not everyone will even like me. And that’s okay. 

Unfortunately, though, logic is rarely as helpful as we want it to be when confronting one’s demons. I don’t yet have all the answers to healing this core wound, but bringing it into the light is a good first step. I am lucky enough to have wonderful, loving people in my life to reassure me when I need it, and sometimes when I don’t, which is so beautiful. Cognizance and kindness are two things buoying me as well: awareness of these woundings, and the gentleness I can offer myself when they arise. And while I walk this road to healing, the immortal words of Mary Oliver are ever a comfort. I hope they can be for you as well.

WILD GEESE
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Happy Hearts Day!

Read on for my foolproof Valentine’s Day picks this year! Your partner, lover, or bestie will be thrilled with any of these – or give a gift to your cherished self. You deserve it. 

This sweet 14k gold ring from Mejuri is perfect for that special someone. Elegant on its own or easily stackable, its sub-$100 price tag and sustainably-sourced gold make it an easy choice.

For an especially thoughtful take on flowers, gift your love a modern, super-happy vase from Felt+Fat. They proudly handmake their wares with love in Philadelphia, PA.

I love this Alexander Girard x Kate Spade circle bag. It’s graphic and punchy — and perfectly on theme without being overly saccharine. 

Fortnum and Mason has been around since 1707, so you know their pivotal selection of teas won’t disappoint. I’m partial to their strawberry black tea, although the Countess Grey is also a delight. Bonus: a teacup from Lucie Kass in their favorite color would surely be adored.

What is Valentine’s Day without chocolate? Any selection from avant-garde L.A. chocolatier Compartés makes for a beautiful gift. These artful truffles are a great pick, or for an even more luxurious choice, try the Valentine’s Heart gift box!

The ideal gift for your heart’s companion, this twin hearts bracelet from Catbird — available in two lengths and made of recycled 14k gold — is the dainty, grown-up friendship bracelet she’ll never take off.

For the consummate host in your life, these beautiful glasses are sure to be a hit. I love the assorted hues in each set! What a romantic choice to share a glass of wine on V-day.

Hope these picks give you some ideas for gifting this Valentine’s Day! Wishing you a day of love, however you celebrate it.

Five fun things: Barbenheimer edition

Get you a girl that can do both, amirite? Barbenheimer has taken the world by storm, so here are some fun picks in honor of the film event of the summer. Dark and moody meets bubblegum Barbiecore goodness, because we all contain multitudes.

Monica Vinader pink opal necklace for a sweet finishing touch.

Verner Panton, the Panthella Lamp (1971) is the perfect sleek lighting option.

IKEA pink SOMMARÖGA two-tier serving stand to serve all your amazing besties, pre- or post-cinema.

Birkenstock Madrid big buckle sandal to wear all summer, matching pedicure optional (but encouraged!).

Boredwalk Female Gaze Medusa tee to remind everyone you’re a force to be reckoned with.

surface tension


what is the difference between
spilling over and
spilling
open?

is the glass half full?
no, it’s full — to the very brim,
a rim that somehow holds me together and pulls me to the brink,
a ledge to cling to or leap from

somehow too much and yet still not enough
to break through
or break down

a bountiful overflowing of emotion and self
that some(one) can’t wait to sop off the table

whisk it away
blot it up
hide the mess
out of sight, out of mind

but you can still see the stain —
see how it spreads and changes?
see how the blood/wine crimson looks like flowers?

bear witness
watch me (them) bloom

— Charla M. DelaCuadra

Current aesthetic: Atlantean shipwreck

My current obsession seems to be anything that looks like it was pulled up from mystic Atlantis, or maybe a shipwreck nearby. Give me green patina’d everything, mottled ceramic finishes, molten gold and pearls and amphorae. A touch or two to your home décor or personal adornment can lend a hint of mystery, sophistication, whimsy, intrigue, antiquarian finesse… the list goes on. I’ve rounded up a few of my favorite picks below, from a mysterious woodsy-incense-y perfume to golden baubles and vessels that look like they’ve been pulled right from the depths to your doorstep. Enjoy!

You Could Make This Place Beautiful

I had the privilege of attending a book talk and signing for Maggie Smith’s memoir You Could Make This Place Beautiful at Vroman’s Bookstore in Pasadena recently, with the discussion led by fellow poet Jennifer Pastiloff. I was struck by an overwhelming sense of female camaraderie in the room that evening that was so beautiful, it made me ache. (In no small part it was also thanks to my dear friend Molly who accompanied me.)

Guided by Pastiloff’s excellent questions, Smith touched on several topics, starting with being “bored with genre.” “I don’t need to classify something to make it,” she stated, setting her memoir free from genre in that quietly confident way of hers. It is a memoir, yes, but also a meditation of sorts. An unspooling. And always, always poetry.

On boundaries: “I built it my way and then I needed to be able to shepherd it into the world my way as well, in a way I could make livable.” Smith was touchingly open about her struggles with being seen as her memoir debuted. It chronicles a difficult period in her life that included — but certainly was not limited to — her divorce, and the reckoning in it’s unfurling and aftermath. For a poet who is used to the distance afforded by being The Narrator, being herself in all her raw glory was a new and painfully exposed way to be seen. Thank you, Maggie, for your courage and your willingness to be vulnerable. We have this beautiful unspooling corkscrew of musings thanks to your willingness to share, be open, and give us your “tell-mine” of a book.

On being ‘good’: “Part of being good is being liked, so what happens when you do something that makes you unlikeable?” Smith and Pastiloff both posed this question, one the question of being “bad” and the other of being “good,” both asking the same thing in the end. Are we bad people when we try to find our way to something different? What does being “good” mean for us? For women it means being likeable. Pleasant. Pliant. What happens when we choose not to be?

On perspective: “How did I let myself become so small? How did I let my writing become so small?” As women, it is almost as though we need permission to make ourselves and our work — our true creative work, not just our jobs — priorities. It is sinuous and slippery, this insidious expectation that we often don’t realize is there until a sudden shift in perspective allows us to see how small in our own lives we have truly become. It is a reckoning, but also, a light if we let it be. “I was looking for permission to do something a different way,” mused Smith. What if the only one we need permission from is ourselves?

Smith’s memoir is as poetic as you’d expect, lyrical and sharply observed by turns, musing and marvelous. Pick up a copy today, pick up a metaphorical lantern, and walk with her a while. You won’t be sorry you did.